...comes before a fall.
I'm such a cliche it's unreal. So there I was, glowing in smugly goodness, I'd even looked up to see exactly long ago it was that I could barely even cycle 5km and all was good with the world.
One stupid decision later and all that positivity disappeared in a flood of tears.
Hubby and I had taken the beast out for a drive and chose to stop at a bakery for lunch. I took one look at the grease-fest on offer and knew there was nothing I'd be happy with myself for eating - but - sick of always being the boring one who puts a downer on every meal (constantly fussy about where and what to eat, never has a drink, never splashes out for special occasions, never lets her hair down any more) I thought to myself that it would be OK. After all, I cycled a marathon yesterday. I can have the greasy veggie pizza, I just won't have any chocolate or hot cross buns and I'll watch what I have for dinner.
The pizza wasn't even very nice but I finished every last oil-covered mouthful. The whole drive home it sat in my stomach like a ball of lard. Panic started to fill my head. Perhaps I could get rid of it, perhaps I could do some exercise, perhaps it wasn't actually that bad (it was). Then just like misery, it would seem bad food loves company too, so I proceeded to eat all that I could find in the cupboards - crackers, meringues, fruit bars and easter chocolate.
Just this morning I'd been sympathising with Miss Milo in a similar situation and saying how I wished I had some insightful wisdom, if only I'd realised how immediate my own need was. I know I need to learn from this, recognise a pattern, give myself credit for being accountable (I felt so foolish and ashamed I had planned to keep it secret) and move on.
I know there's a fantastic place where balance lives, I've been there before and I should know how to find my way back. One big bad greasy pizza doesn't undo a 47km bike ride, it doesn't regain 14 (or even 57) kilos, it's just a silly pizza - it just means to be careful on the extras and get back to the goodness tomorrow.
Now if I could just bring myself to press the "publish" button and show my face (full of shame in the midst of all your encouragement and support from yesterday) I will try my best to do just that - move on - back to the exercise smugness, nothing to see here.