Hooray for the weekend. I'm really not sure how most of Saturday's been and gone already, the day just ran away while I wasn't looking or while I was busy doing the household chores more likely.
I made it up for spin class this morning which was a minor miracle. I'd laid in bed until the very last second, just willing the clock to get to the point where it wasn't worth getting up after all. I don't know why I play those silly games as I always feel so blimmin great afterwards.
Yesterday morning had been a benchmark personal training session. I bench pressed 40kg - my most ever - I only got out 5 before my trainer relieved me of 5kg so I could finish the set, but that's 5 bench presses at 40kg! Woohoo benchmark indeed baby! I felt like a powerhouse. There's definitely muscle underneath all this blubber, I just can't wait to peel all the layers away so someone other than me can see it.
Yet another thing I'm proud of this week is that I had a really shaky food panic but for once didn't follow it all the way down the rabbit hole to bingeland. I'd gone to hubby's office after work where he and his buddies were playing poker and drinking beer. Being closest to the fridge, I had the honour of passing out the beers and spied a packet of Arnott's Venetians in the fridge which I duly tucked in to, not a moment's thought. I stopped after just one biscuit another miracle but was pretty annoyed at myself ne'er the less. The biscuit itself wasn't the problem - it's only 64 calories after all - it's the compulsive, out of control way in which it happened that bothered me.
This continued into the Indian restaurant we went to after, the waiter placed poppadoms on the table and I instantaneously scoffed one without giving it a second thought. Again, really not such a terrible action or food in itself, but it was so out of control and as a result I became very anxious and panicky about my eating, fearing a binge to be inevitable.
In hindsight I realise it all came about because I'd left far too long between eating and was simply hungry, but at the time all I was aware of was the compulsive desire to eat whatever was placed in front of me and then hunt out for more. My brain was ready to resign itself that Miss Binge was back in charge again. My saving grace was that I had to pop out to get cash from an ATM (the waiter had come to tell us their card machine was broken) which gave me just enough of a breather to let me settle down so that I could enjoy the rest of my meal in more relaxed comfort.
I hope one day I'll start to recognise hunger for what it is, without it sending me running for cover from the binge monster.
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4 comments:
Well, I'm sorry you had those shaky moments, but isn't it wonderful that you identified it so quickly, BEFORE it became a real problem? ::applauding::
thanks Cammy, your support as always is wonderful. I really should get around to writing a post that's been in my head for a long while, about something you wrote a while back that's really inspired me.
Benchpressing 40kg is a huge achievement! Well done you :)
I think it's great that you're addressing your compulsive eating habits - yes, you only caught yourself after eating on those two occasions, but you only at one each time before you picked up on yourself! I'm sure I would have had three or four before noticing LOL. And just think, when you're trying so hard to be aware of what you're doing it will only be a matter of time before you automatically think 'Do I really want/need this?' before eating every time. You should also be really proud of yourself for not letting your scares through you completely off kilter.
Go Ani go!
xx
*at = ate
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