I’m having a really stressful day.
The good news is I haven’t succumbed to my former response to such levels of anxiety. I haven’t binged or overeaten, well not on “real” food, instead, I’ve eaten so much sugar-free fake food that my tummy is an upside-down-screwed-up-rumbly-mess.
If I still smoked, today would have been a multi-pack doozy of a day. But I don’t smoke and I don’t comfort eat either (how’s that for positive language?) yet I still have this instinctive need to put things in my mouth when I get stressed. Water’s just not cutting it, as evidenced by all the empty diet coke bottles, sugar-free gum and other assorted sugar-free confectionary item wrappers in the bin next to me.
So I’ve avoided the binge monster, but instead of dealing with the issue at hand, I’ve simply substituted my misguided band-aid for something even less effective.
This isn’t going to work at all. What’s to stop it being real food again the next time? I need to deal with the source of my anxiety and stop just masking the symptoms.
And what is the source of my anxiety, why is my day so stressful? I don’t have deadlines or half a dozen things to juggle, I don’t have bosses jumping down my neck or folk competing for my attention. No one is bugging me, no meetings are scheduled.
All I have is “a document”.
A single document.