freak outs and fake food

I’m having a really stressful day.

The good news is I haven’t succumbed to my former response to such levels of anxiety. I haven’t binged or overeaten, well not on “real” food, instead, I’ve eaten so much sugar-free fake food that my tummy is an upside-down-screwed-up-rumbly-mess.

If I still smoked, today would have been a multi-pack doozy of a day. But I don’t smoke and I don’t comfort eat either (how’s that for positive language?) yet I still have this instinctive need to put things in my mouth when I get stressed. Water’s just not cutting it, as evidenced by all the empty diet coke bottles, sugar-free gum and other assorted sugar-free confectionary item wrappers in the bin next to me.

So I’ve avoided the binge monster, but instead of dealing with the issue at hand, I’ve simply substituted my misguided band-aid for something even less effective.

This isn’t going to work at all. What’s to stop it being real food again the next time? I need to deal with the source of my anxiety and stop just masking the symptoms.

And what is the source of my anxiety, why is my day so stressful? I don’t have deadlines or half a dozen things to juggle, I don’t have bosses jumping down my neck or folk competing for my attention. No one is bugging me, no meetings are scheduled.

All I have is “a document”.

A single document.

Sound familiar?


Fat[free]Me said...

Hey, better fake sugars than fats and real sugars - I can't do too much of it as it upsets my tummy too much, but if it works to help you get through a stressful period, then don't be too hard on yourself about it.

Sometimes even one bit of paper can keep me awake at night too!

Hope you feel better soon.

Miss Milo said...

Good on you for pinpointing your trigger Ani! It's amazing the power a little document can hold. I'm exactly the same at work if I have to do something that I'd rather avoid... my mind wanders and I start thinking that maybe a Tim Tam might provide me with a bit of inspiration. It never works, but that doesn't mean I won't try it every single time!

I think it's fantastic that you're trying to deal with the roots of your issues rather than just transferring your coping methods to other things (I understand the Diet Coke thing well!). It's so easy to 'binge' on diet drinks and sugar-free gum as a comfort replacement, but you're right - that doesn't actually solve the problem at all.

Great, thought-provoking post miss! Thanks for the inspiration :) xx

Cammy said...

In my writing groups, we call that 'page fright'. :) The best way to deal with it (for me) is not to address "the document", but the first paragraph of the document...and then the second...and so on.

Good for YOU for identifying the problem and working to address it.

Karen said...

Re-read this post every time you think that the food might help ease the stress and anxiety. I know how hard it can be not to give in, but you're doing a great thing by working on figuring out the source of the stress. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

You do so much for those of us still trying to figure out "Why do I do this every time??" - thank you for your words and courage. What you are dealing with is clearly more than just trying to write a document. It's tackling these fears and overwhelming emotions that creep up on you when you feel a certain stress. I can hear such frustration, and yet pride in your voice as you talk about not bingeing. Way to go, Ani!!

wildfluffysheep said...

*hugs* i hate stressful days (well no one likes them but y'know.)

Kudos on not major binging. I have major respect for those with will power this week. And for confronting the bigger problem. I would be just happy with not binging and not realise I was replacing one addiction with another. Major kudos, my friend.

JanetM97 said...

Yeah for you not dipping into real sugar. Need some sugarless treats, too! Good luck with your "document".

K not Kay said...

Ah yes, the document thing... I can so totally relate to that.
You're doing a great job thinking this through and identifying the triggers and the thought process. :)

Tully said...

Very thought provoking Ani. I would normally be happy to dodge the binge bullet, but you are right that it is just substituting.

God, this weight loss stuff is complicated.

I hope your day was better today. :-)

The Better Idiot said...

There was a time when you would have just gone for the real food and done a lot more damage to yourself in the process, so try and focus on the progress you've made rather than the progress you have yet to make. It will make that next step int he right direction easier.

Mama Bear June said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way. Wish I had the magic pill to make everything better.
Path to Health