podcasts and pancakes

It's a little Sunday morning tradition of mine to listen to Jillian Michaels' radio show podcasts while I'm making breakfast pancakes - the irony of making pancakes while listening to diet and exercise advice isn't entirely lost on me, but in my defence they are wholemeal and fully calorie counted into my day.

In the one I listened to this morning [available to download here] Jillian said she'd been having the toughest time with her diet this week, not bingeing but still spiralling a little out of control. She'd found herself back in what she called the Dante's Inferno 7th circle of "I deserve this". The times when our heads tell us what we most deserve is a binge when we actually deserve so much more. Instead of saying "I deserve to relax and watch a movie" or "I deserve to go for a great massage" her head had been full of "I deserve these brownies". Playing mind games with herself despite having done so much to get past this and put that kind of thinking behind her.

Sure is humbling to hear someone as famously fit and healthy as her talking about how she had to throw out all her "bad stuff" from the cupboards as she'd spent the week not being able to portion control. It was a timely reminder that this journey's never going to be over. There's no magic finish line tape.

I've always done what I can to ensure that my weight loss is due to a healthy lifestyle change and not some unsustainable fad diet, yet there's still a niggly part of my brain not quite with the program. A part of me is happy to pay lip service to the whole lifestyle nonsense but is secretly preparing to kick back and relax the day after getting to goal. Wrong diddly wrong wrong. This is for life now.

I may not have to write down what I eat every single day and I might not have to weigh myself every week, but I will always need to eat well and I'll always need to keep active. And I'll probably always need to fight the binge monster from time to time (in just the same way that stressful days take me back to a phantom desire to smoke, something I haven't done for over five years now).

Finally, just have to share this. I'm in love with this song. It might just be due to the endorphin high but it's really growing on me. It was one of two very gruelling hill climbs in this morning's spin class (the crazy ripped European of course) the other hard slog being Phil Collins with "In the air tonight" boy does he make us burn in that one.


JanetM97 said...

Thanks for the song! Love that you connected to it in spinning class, too. (way to go on getting your workout done and early! :)) I find music helps me along greatly in my work outs. lol.

So true about there not being a magical finishing line. It's good to remember that, not to depress us (har), but to keep us in the "this is our new way of life" mode, as opposed to a "diet" mode. kwim?

have a super Sunday, Pesto girl! :)

Fat[free]Me said...

Yeah, you are right, this journey is a life-long one and at the moment, I am pleased to say I WANT it to continue and not end - wow, I hadn't realised that until now - amazing!

Phil Collins, eh - gawsh, I do feel old.

As for the odd nicotine craving - it is 19 years and occasionally, I get a longing. Of course, I never will, but it is interesting that I still miss it a little.

Now, why doesn't someone invent a cocoa patch?

ani pesto said...

the music in Sunday morning spin sure is a little different to the regular doof-doof (which I also secretly enjoy), there's been Abba, Tina Turner, Europe's 'The Final Countdown'... all sorts of crazy memory-lane tracks. The cool down stretch track was a tragic 80's balad... I'll have to think hard to remember what it was, my brain's always mush by that stage.

@JanetM97 - absolutely, and that niggly part of my brain was ripe for the reminder. Ain't a bad way of life though hey :-)

@Fat[free]Me - that's a fantastic realisation - Yay for you!! Certainly makes life easier when you realise you really do want the lifestyle and not just the end result.

Cocoa patch - hehe top idea! I think you're on to something there

Cammy said...

I understand your concerns with the "for life" part of this transformation. Even 6 months into maintenance, I still catch myself wondering if I'll go back to "normal." Then I remind myself, this is normal. :)

You'll be fine. I'm sure of it!