the sound of silence

It's oh so quiet... shhhhh ...shhhhh

I'm still having the occassional moments of sheer terror and anxiety at the thought of going to the supermarket, being offered a birthday cake or being presented with a meeting break buffet, but - and it's a big but - in general the constant noise in my head is becoming calm once more and it's a great feeling!

It's fragile and I know I'll need to treat it like a precious newborn until it can become familiar once more but I'm just so glad to be in this position. I've spent many months twisting myself into such a tiz that these four days just didn't seem possible.

Another plus side of being able to pop my head up out of the pit is that I can start catching up on all the blogs out there I used to love reading. My logic in abandoning them was so wrong, it had became so painful to read about other folk doing so well when I’d screwed up my successes so spectacularly that I just closed my eyes to them. I closed myself off from the potential for the wider community to offer support and reassurance, let alone realise there might actually be other folk in the very same place as me. I was only ever really alone because I allowed myself to be, not because there was no one else out there.

So - looking forward to re-joining "the community" once more and learning, with the help of others, to be positive again. I miss that.

On another subject, this I just had to share. I've mentioned my fairground hall of mirrors work lift before so I took a teeny phone-camera pic. Hard to see but still begs the question - just how many times does the average gal need to see her rotund backside?

Felt good all arvo and so I've decided I'm ready to jump in with both feet again. I'm going to start again with the Healthy You Challenge fresh for 2009.

starting weight: 116kg 256lb 18st 4

Next weigh in Tuesday.