where to now?

I haven’t posted much this week. I also haven’t weighed myself much this week, especially not since the disappointment of a 200 gram loss just two days after the scales had triumphantly told me I was down over a kilo. 200 grams! As my husband wittily cruelly pointed out the other day (before the weigh-in I should add) I could have shaved my legs to achieve a similar result. He’ll kill me for posting that, especially after I’d built him up as such a picture of sensitivity.

I’m in the doldrums again. My eating and exercise attitude is pretty bad, I’m fighting binge urges and I’m seeing my food in a negative light again. I don’t doubt this is all as a result of stress and being so tired. I'm finding work very stressful at the moment. We’ve got political project nonsense going on that I’ve been dragged into the middle of, plus I’ve been trying to work evenings to catch up on stuff I’m behind on. Worst part of all this, is that I’ve never yet been convinced this is even the right job for me. It’s one thing to tolerate stressful work conditions if you can see it leading somewhere, but I’ve no idea where I want to go.

I work for a hugely respected company, the pay is good and on paper the opportunities are fantastic. They even relocated us from Perth to Melbourne, and that’s an interstate move not to be sniffed at. I just don’t think I want to do this work anymore, it’s not me and it’s not bringing out the best in me.

So how do I work out what is me?


Anonymous said...

Oh Ani, I'm so sorry you're in such a tricky situation. As you said, it's one thing to be stressed out of your brain in a job you love, but quite another to be stressed and not even enjoying what you're doing!

I was in a job that sucked the life out of me for several years, and I put on 40kg during that time - so I completely know how you feel when you say you're struggling with the food and exercise.

My advice? Be true to yourself. The company you work for might be respected, and your pay might be great, but if you wake up in the morning and dread having to go into work all that really means nothing. I know it's a crappy time at the moment to be looking for work, but have you considered other options, even crazy ones? Do you have a dream that you've always been too scared to realise? Do you have an interest or hobby or talent in an area that you could perhaps look for work in, or turn into your own business? Can you do similar work to what you're doing, but as a freelancer or contractor, so you can still earn money but work on your own terms, and indulge in the hobbies and activities that make you happy at the same time?

{{{Hugs}}} to you girl. I hope the bad time passes quickly. Always here if you want to chat!

kathrynoh said...

I worked for a 'perfect on paper' company for 3 years and hated every minute of it. It is the worst thing to wake up and dread going to work every single day.

Hanlie said...

I hope you find some clarity! But while you're searching for that, keep on looking after yourself, as this will afford you the ability to think clearer.

ani pesto said...

@Miss M - thank you so much. I don't really know which direction to explore, I'm considering whether a career coach might draw something out of me. just like I was saying about not letting myself indulge in picturing weight loss goals, I've been equally reticent to explore other dreams.

@Kathryn - it's funny because for so many of my colleagues it really is the perfect job, heaps of training, heaps of "fun" stuff to work on. The fact I don't see it the same just goes to show me I'm not in the right position for me.

@Hanlie - you're so right. I think it was with the added confidence I gained the last time I lost so much weight that started me wondering about what to do with my life.

Cammy said...

May I suggest an author? (assumes permission granted) Barbara Sher. She's written several great books on finding your "best fit". She also has a website with forums for discussing such things:

ani pesto said...

Cammy - permission for your advise is of course always welcome :-)

Thanks for the tip, I'll check her out