not great

I'm in a hole. I hate typing self-indulgent-woe-is-me posts so I'll try to keep this brief. The first week in Sydney is over, but after 16 hour work days, two 4am starts, four flights, zero exercise and a whole heap of stress (not to mention 2 binges) I still can't yet see the light for anything other than an oncoming train.

I now have to fly to Perth on Sunday and I'm still nowhere with my preparation. I'm crazy with stress. I'll be staying in a hotel for two weeks (yet more chances for nasty kitchens to serve me greasy fried oily salmon steaks when the menu said "steamed" thanks Sydney hotel for that one, my lack of resistance-energy meant that was the catalyst for binge number, two when all the large bars of chocolate from the mini bar fridge disappeared) , I haven't even contacted my friends to say I'll be back in Perth (my home for five years) as I'm not anticipating I'll have any time to see them. Just as I did with Sydney I'll take my gym clothes, but just as I did in Sydney I don't hold out much hope of actually doing any exercise. And I've gotten to really love my exercise.

I haven't lost any weight for over two weeks now. I'm tired, like REALLY TIRED. We didn't get the rental house we applied for so we're also still looking for somewhere to live. I had a training session this morning for the first time in nearly two weeks and it was tough. I was exhausted. I couldn't do anything near the weights I'd been doing and all I wanted to do was cry. To add to all this hubby's just heard his job is going to a 9 day fortnight which is a 10% pay cut and a lot of worry for how bad it might get in the future.

Told you this was going to be self indulgent misery. I'm just tired of it all. This job is taking everything out of me and jeopardising all that was going so well for me. But with lay-offs all around, I can't see any options and alternatives.

I also can't help but feel like it's me, not the job. It's me that lets myself get this stressed, it's me that takes on all the responsibility and won't say "no", and it's me that's failing to cope while all those around me look peachy.

p.s. I'm sorry I haven't read a single blog for a week now, I really hope you're all doing better than I feel at the moment. I miss you all. I really need to see about finding the time to catch up in the midst of all this, as the inspiration, support and boost is invaluable.


Kelly said...

Ani - I am so sorry that things are more than a little crazy for you right now. I have no words of wisdom - but I would really recommend that you make some you time in Perth, catching up with friends sounds like just what you need right now! Take care! xxx

AlleyCat said...

sorry to hear things are so crap for you ani. My only tip is as soon as you get to perth go via a supermarket in your cab, have the driver wait while you go in & buy lots of little tins of tuna, a big bunch of banana's & a dozen apples (or other such items). At least you can snack on those. A bit boring, but hopefully helpful.

It takes a lot of practice & discipline not to stress over work things. Dont beat yourself up. Remind yourself you can only do the best you can in any circumstance which will sometimes be less & sometimes more.

Sorry to hear about the house. Good luck with that & also in Perth.

Hanlie said...

Hang in there, my friend! I really feel for you!

The only thing you can do now is to ask yourself what you can control and take responsibility for and what you can't. Do your best with the things you can control and stop fretting about the rest. This works in any situation!

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I feel for you as I've also found myself in a whirlwind of binges and stress on business trip, and at the time it seemd like it would never stop.
All I can say is don't focus on the weight loss, just take care of yourself.

Cammy said...

Does visualization help you? If so, you might try taking a few minutes (maybe during a flight?) to visualize yourself being successful at managing your food and exercise.

You can also discuss the food prep with the waiter before the meal, explaining how important it is to you that it be prepared correctly (most waiters I've encountered really do want to help).

For exercise, I go with a 'make do' routine (sometimes only 15 minutes or so) when I travel for business. It's better than nothing and makes me feel successful.

Don't know if any of these will help, but thought I'd toss them out here. I'm pulling for you!

Fat[free]Me said...

Nothing new to add, but (((hugs))), there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon!

Ashwee said...

Hi Ani,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so shitty. You are in a tough situation and it is inevitable that your health and fitness goals will go on the backburner for a while. Just focus on the things you need to get done right now, knowing that there will be plenty of time to pick up the exercise and get back to planning when you get home.

Big hugs from me!

Mama Bear June said...

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time lately. Hope you get some rest soon.

My daughter got laid off today after we've been moving her into her own apartment this week. Sigh. Things are just dicey everywhere.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Path to Health

wildfluffysheep said...

oh man. What a bleak first paragraph! *hugs* sounds really, tough, missus!

Take a weight loss break! Seriously, you do not need any added stress. No one would blame you.

*sends positive energy*

JanetM97 said...

Sorry for your stress! Go do something relaxing, stat! Good for you for missing exercise (as in wishing you could do some- lol). Sign of a fit person, I say.

Hope things calm down for you soon. :)