getting through it

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First of all a HUGE thank you to you all for your words of encouragement. You never fail me, even when I'm blatantly ignoring my blog reader and sitting in a hazed fuzz of stress-induced nonsense, you had kind words of support and advice for me.

Thank you xxx

I've made it to the end of the first day in Perth - a place I couldn't even envisage yesterday while sobbing uncontrollably to my poor hubby, not wanting to get on a plane and questioning why I'm doing any of this.

Today's been a personal triumph - I woke up early (helped by the time zone difference) and went downstairs to the hotel gym (yay!!). I then got through a whole day of delivering presentations and workshops to an all male technical audience. Not as slick as I might have liked but I got there. For dinner I had steamed snapper with coriander rice and a side of steamed broccoli. No excesses, no binging, no stress-eating. The toblerones, dairy milks and boxes of pringles chips remain untouched in the mini-bar. I might actually take hubby's advice and have the hotel remove them from the room.

Result! Day 1 down, 12 more to go.

It bemuses me how well I must outwardly mask my fear and stress. The folk around me at work see a competent professional. One of my colleagues even jokes about what a demon I turn into on client site. He has absolutely no idea of the stress and self-doubt I put myself through. If he could have seen the tiz I've been working myself into these last few days he'd be horrified. Why can't I see myself like others do? Instead of letting their perception of me alter my own, I just let it add to the pressure I put myself through - fearing constantly they'll find out the truth of my incompetence at any moment.

Tomorrow the workshops start getting a little more in-depth and focused and I'm even less prepared - I foolishly put most of my effort into preparing the first day, thinking that I would be able to prepare subsequent days in the evenings (d'oh!!). But that's for tomorrow. Today I'm proud of myself for making it through.

5 comments:

Shauna said...

Woohoooooooo well done comrade for making it through the day (and your dinner sounded v tasty too, hehe)

I relate to the "smooth and cool on the outside, quivering mess underneath" thing... kind of like a human cadbury creme egg. do you ever wonder which is the real you? or if you weren't a nervous wreck beforehand, would you perform as well? etc etc.

anyway thinking of you throughout the week... keep on keepin' on :)

Fat[free]Me said...

You have done so well - go you!

Erm, I think many of us do the Swan thing, smooth and serene on the surface, paddling away furious beneath - it isn't easy.

Good luck for the rest of the week!

Ashwee said...

Well done and great job!!! So proud of you for getting up and dusting yourself off!

I don't know how you do it.. AMAZING!

chubrubb said...

Good job Ani!!! Stay strong!

Mama Bear June said...

Congrats on making it through triumphantly! Don't let the stress get to you, keep making healthy choices and you'll feel so much better. I know you will kick butt this whole trip!
Path to Health