It was the most curious experience reading her book. I felt like I was reading something I could have written myself had I half her skill for choosing my words so beautifully. It was my story. It fair freaked me out to see that her Fat Girl Logistics Department was clearly run according to the very same principals mine was and we had worn the very same fat goggles. Her biggest was just 1lb more than mine, she moved from Oz to Edinburgh, I moved from Edinburgh to Oz. At the risk of sounding like a crazy stalker there was hardly a page that didn't contain something I identified with. It explained me far better than I could explain myself, so much so I've asked my husband if he will read it.
I didn't keep a journal when I was at my biggest so one of the amazing things it's done is to remind me what that felt like and just how far I've come. The other day's feelings may have been similar to when I was 25 stone but they weren't the same and she's helped me see that.
DietGirl's put my journey (she hates that word but I'm struggling to think of a better one - sorry) into perspective. It took her years to get to her goal and even then it wasn't the magical number she'd set out to aim for - not far off it though having halved her weight - but in the end it was more a goal of happiness and self acceptance. I'm trying to see my own set-back in the context of the bigger picture and as just that: a set-back - an up on a far bigger down journey. The depth of despair just isn't warranted. OK so I've put back on 15 or so kilos but I'm still 60 kilos lighter than my heaviest.
While I'm still just taking baby steps to get myself back on track I don't doubt for one second I'm also going to have emotional ups and downs just like the last couple of days, but for now I want to remind myself and celebrate how far I've come and what I've achieved.
I just browsed for pictures to show you all the before and afters but scrapped the idea as I felt like a fraud for putting up pictures of my lowest when it's so far from where I am now and it kinda hurt to look at them. Wooooah girl!! Isn't that just the kind of negative thinking this post was all about overcoming?!
So, if I'm not quite ready for the pictures I'll just recount the experiences:
- wore size 30 (UK) jeans
- broke more than a chair or two
- once had to book 2 seats on a plane
- needed extension belts every time I flew for a few years
- would wheeze at just the thought of walking a few hundred metres
- wasn't living
Last year I:
- walked the 12km City to Surf
- went to the gym 3-5 times every week
- got married in a strapless gown (it was made to measure so I don't know the size but the torsolette underneath was an Oz 14)
- got dressed into that gown outside in a garden (!) because it was better light for the photographer
- was carried over the threshold (ok ok so it was just a piggyback - I've a way to go yet - but it was my first ever adult piggyback)
It seems blatantly obvious which is a better life. Thank you DG for giving me some perspective, I'll do my best not to forget it.
p.s. highly recommend the book to anyone, it was a fabulous heart wrenching and heart warming read from an extremely lovely and intuitive lard busting hero