message in a bottle

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Well I'm getting there... I think.

Thank you for your kind comments to my post the other day. Veggie Gal's so right, sometimes it isn't a day at a time it's literally 10 minutes at a time. Today's another one of those days. But between the love of a good husband and the online support here I'm getting through it.

The weekend brought with it a lot more food-centred activities. I'm pretty annoyed with my complete inability to tell my companions "No!", "no, I don't want a cheesecake for dessert and no I don't want to go halvers with you just to make you feel better". But all in all it was still not out of control. Plus I walked around a lake! OK so it was only 6km and I was ridiculously stiff and knacked at the end of it but it was exercise and it was a good start.

Today I've been teetering on the verge of control-loss once more. I had my lunch THEN bought a large muffin. The wonderous part of this tale is that's where it stopped. The muffin was all poised to become the diving board to a binge, I even walked into another cafe straight after to look at their cheesecakes and assorted sweetness but walked out again. Result!

I have way more on my plate (to coin a phrase) than I can cope with right now. Two days left at work with a week's worth of work to be done and here I am spending all my time talking to letting agents, gardeners, pet movers, bike movers, car movers, furniture movers... anything and everything movers, organising leaving drinks, getting shoes mended, having horrible hair-cuts (seriously, I asked for something edgy and was made to look about as edgy as a sunday school teaching librarian) and to top it all off I've got tooth ache. It's tooooooo much and I'm just really anxious and silently spinning.

To those around witnessing me right this second I couldn't look calmer - I'm holding it all in - but the stress that's bubbling up inside just can't be contained for long. I want to run away, scream and cry but that's not what I do, so instead I'm driven by the desire to numb it all with food. It doesn't really make sense but it's become my coping mechanism of choice.

This is where that fab hubby and all you wonderful people come in. You've given me another option. I don't have to scream and I don't have to binge, I can let it all out here... again. I picture this blog rather like a cartoon bottle I can scream into at great volume and then seal ready to be opened and released at a safe distance by people wearing appropriate safety earmuffs.

I can't wait for the days when it's no longer about control, when the tyre tracks left by all the good decisions make it harder and harder for the old habits to deviate back off-road again. I've been there before and I liked it, won't be long now.

Thank you for listening and being my cartoon bottle :-)

1 comments:

Rose said...

I've been on that diving board a lot! I'm so proud of you for getting off at the muffin!

P.S. Your pics and weight loss are sooooo inspiring!