losing it

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I'm totally losing it right now and I don't mean the weight. I binged again yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.

I fully lost it in the car last night. I had an appointment with a tax accountant to lodge my (extremely overdue) 2008 return. Despite possession of a map and a GPS, I just couldn't get to their office. 50 minutes for a 5km journey. I screamed my throat roar when I found myself back on the freeway once more driving in the opposite direction to my intended destination.

I seriously all-out screamed, a deep-throated, guttural, horror-movie, scream. And then I just couldn't stop screaming. Screaming and swearing and screaming and cussing and screaming. I pity the poor folk I accosted for directions. I was a crazy woman, a total banshee.

I don't understand how I could cope so well with what was probably the most stressful period of my entire career, only to fall apart when most of the stress has disappeared.

However, today's another day. I'm here and accountable. And I promise to try harder.

9 comments:

AlleyCat said...

Oh you poor bugger!!! I recently got lost on my local freeway (when they opened the deer park bypass) & found myself going the wrong bloody direction. It is extremely frustrating!!!!!

One day at a time; & go read Tully today if you haven't already! http://prettyif.blogspot.com/

Ashwee said...

Hey sweety! That sucks! I hate feeling out of control like that in the car!!

Sounds like you might need to rev up your plan, set a new non-weightloss goal or start something new! Let me know if you want to get together for a chat or some exercise.

Are you seeing someone to talk with about the bingeing issues? You've probably already told me but I forget!

Hugs!

K not Kay said...

*hugs*

Maybe you needed all this to happen, to let out all the stress and pressure you've had until recently? Or maybe it's just your body trying to relax somehow?

Do something nice for yourself, soon. Nice and special, maybe something pampering?

I like Cat's and Ash's suggestions too. :)

Hanlie said...

I think all of this is still a reaction from the heavy stress you endured for weeks. You haven't offloaded yet! It's no wonder you're losing it. Have you ever heard of EFT? You may not be able to stop yourself from binging if you don't address the underlying causes of your binging, which sounds to me like frustration and rage. I have had problems with that all my life, but have worked hard to overcome those issues - therapy and kinesiology, but also patience, acceptance and positive reinforcement through mantras and affirmations.

(((Hugs!)))

Miss Milo said...

Hi sweetheart. Sorry to hear you're feeling so crappy. I agree with K - it sounds like your poor brain is just trying to process all the stress you've been under. You've been holding it together so well for so many weeks and not allowing your brain to feel the stress/pressure, so it's only natural that now that you're allowing yourself to calm down and unravel, your brain is having a hard time coping.

Be kind to yourself darl. A few binges don't negate all your successes this year.

Can we catch up for a coffee/walk again soon? :) I had a great time last weekend, and loved meeting your boys!

Take care
xxxx

wildfluffysheep said...

*hugs*
Maybe now you've got that little outburst over with it will be the last one!

Glad you're here sharing this with us and are being accountable for what you're doing. That is a positive step!

You WILL get on track soon. Everyone has a blip.

Big Girl said...

I'm so sorry. Hang in there. I'm sending you positive thoughts and pulling for you!

kathrynoh said...

I agree, its often after the stress has gone that I react. It's like when you are in the middle of things, your brain is saying 'we dont' have time for a freakout now!'

Miz said...

checking back in on you.
how are you feeling now? at all better? less stressed? back on track?

any thoughts or plans for how you could take some time to care for YOU this weekend?

HUGS YOUR WAY,

Carla