birthday blues

It's my birthday. Hubby has been an absolute sweetie and done all he can to make me feel special - pancakes for breakkie, coffee on demand, dinner AND the washing up - but all in all it's been a benchmark birthday for all the wrong reasons.

It's the first birthday I've EVER worked. In previous years I've always taken my birthday off as annual leave and never so much as opened a work email. This year - a SUNDAY - I've spent the entire day sitting at my laptop finishing off the document from last week's Perth job, despite having worked on it on the plane yesterday and back at the house in the evening before falling asleep. I guess I'm just a bloody slow document writer.

Unsurprisingly then it's also the first EVER birthday when I haven't had that special warm and fuzzy "it's my birthday" feeling. 36 warm and fuzzy birthdays isn't' a bad tally though hey?

Age-wise, this birthday also brings me into my "should-be-a-Mum-by-now" age. My mum was 36 when she had me, the youngest of three children. For years now I've had it in my mind I'd be 36 when I had kids, can't explain why, just always seemed poetically right somehow. Today I turned 37.

A couple of days ago Facebook played it's part in reminding me just how far behind the curve I am on this one. It's the start of a new school year back home in England. On this day 32 years ago, I celebrated my 5th birthday with my first ever day of school.

That's three girls from my own class in school and note how we're talking high school already for their kids.

Me? Well I set myself the limit of 100kg and a healthy head before considering parenthood and you'll remember how I triumphantly reached that target in April. Now, just five months later and the healthy head's as much a distant memory as the sub-100kg weight. It's going to take a lot of effort and energy to turn it around again and I'm flat out of both.

Now I really am just feeling sorry for myself hey, but it's my party and I'll cry if I want to [target reference for 80's gals out there]

The good news is I'm back in Melbourne and shouldn't have to go away again for two weeks now. The bad news is tomorrow's no longer a leave day. I've got my annual review, a document to finish and a meeting in the afternoon - holiday cancelled. And yes, I plan to do all that I can to voice my concerns and rectify my current situation. Tuesday I'll most likely still be finishing off the work lose ends.... but Wednesday that freeeeeedom is still safely on my schedule.

This year's birthday has been postponed, schedule permitting.


Fat[free]Me said...

Happy Birthday!

It is never to late to enjoy the rest of the day - and think some more about making babies - I think you shouldn't wait too long.

Some of us remember the original 1963 version of that song :(

The Better Idiot said...

ack, sorry you're birthday isn't giving you the fuzzy feeling this yea, but I'm glad you've got a couple of weeks on the ground and a chance to get some things changed.

Baby-wise, I think people often wait to long for a 'good time' to have kids that never comes, and then it's too late. If you want them and are reasonably stable, I say start trying as it may take some time.

Miss Milo said...

Happy birthday again for yesterday - hope my text came through okay. Sorry to hear it was a bit crappy :( But glad to hear you'll have the opportunity for a frank and open discussion with your boss. Be strong - we all believe in you!


AlleyCat said...

Happy Birthday!!!!! Hope you enjoy your Wednesday birthday better :0)

Good luck with your appraisal!!!!!

RE the baby thing - I was never very maternal, but I always said to Zac that if he wanted me to bare (sp? - cant for the life of me figure out which bear!) his children, I wanted them all over & done with by the time I was 35 as I didn't want to be an old mum. Well. I'll be 39 next month & we are only just starting to THINK about it. Sometimes we have to let go & trust the universe (& ourselves). There is no magic or right time, I certainly appreciate you wanting to take the time to be as healthy as possible before you embark upon that journey. That said, why not start trying now & see what happens :0)

PS my 2 best girlfriends both want babies, but are still looking for the right fella...........I'd much rather my man & no babies, than the other way around! Chin up!