It's way over a month since I had those great new intentions and so far all I've succeeded in doing is to increase my weight at the same rate as my anxiety levels.

I'm in the States for a month's training. I'm in a daunting new job, in a strange city on my own. I'm missing home and surrounded by more sugary goods than imaginable. For the first three weeks I was put up in corporate apartment housing and managed to get to the gym a total of three times. Since that first burst of effort I can't count how many times I've binged, overeaten and just full-out gorged myself.

I can't keep doing this.

I'm bored with myself.

I can't believe how many times I can fall over, manage to get up again only to fall straight back down. I liked it up there, why do I keep falling and why does it take me so long to get back again every single time. Sometimes I think I'm just too comfortable in the gutter. It's familiar; there's no challenge. You can't fail if you fail to try.

Well I'm trying and I could do with some help.