hello Ani, universe calling

I really should get back into the habit of blogging again but it's funny to consider writing (well typing) down my thoughts when I've blocked them up so successfully lately.

I've had the most enormously positive response from my big decision (thanks, you folks, you're gorgeous!). Relaxation still seems a long way off while I'm still in the middle of craziness. Last night was another 2am finish. But I'm definitely getting the message it's time to go. First my laptop swallowed and melted my work ID card (it doubles up as a smartcard for authentication) then last night our blessed wee darling of a cat protested in the only way he knows best - he peed all over my work laptop bag. Lovely!

Finally just today my other work card, (the one that gets us in the shared building lift and car park), stopped working.

I get the message. Time to go.

my future is a blank canvas


Yesterday I resigned from my job.

I've got a month's notice to work, including finishing off the stressful project I'm behind on, followed by a week's as yet unknown project, then finally two more weeks back in Perth. A month's more stress but then that's it, this will take me to Christmas Eve and then... nothing.


Total freedom and an absolute blank canvas.

As you can probably assume from my absence for so long, life carried on going downhill for me. My stress levels got higher and higher, surpassed only by the speed at which my weight also went up. I curled up in a hole. It's easy to disappear when you're in a new city.

I need to learn how to manage my anxiety levels and at the same time reduce the source of that anxiety. This week I made appointments to see both a Career Coach and a Counsellor. I hadn't planned to resign with nothing to go to, but somehow just those two actions, and the support of a loving husband, seemed to give me the strength to do just that.

I had also never planned to be in the industry I'm in. I just found something I had an aptitude for and I followed that path blindly into a highly stressful, highly competitive role. I've no passion for what I do, no antidote for the way my job has been swallowing my life. It's time for a totally clean break and, for the first time I'm my life, to take a positive action instead of following the way of passive least resistance.

I've no idea what work I'll do and how long it's going to take me to decide on a direction. But I'm going to be as open as I can in finding out my true strengths and values, and in learning how I can apply them to a job that will fulfil me, even if it takes a while and I have to stack shelves in the meantime.

Thank you to those of you who've checked in on me, your thoughts have been so heartening. I know I can lose weight - I've done it enough times (and as exhausting as it is I'm going to have to do it all over again (!!)) - what I don't have experience in, is losing stress. I have a weight problem, but food has never been at the heart of the issue. When there's no stress or anxiety, there's no desire to stuff my face. I've tried for a long time to tackle my reaction to stress but with mixed success (as you've all seen by my public meltdown and disappearance) so here I am, and I'm humbly trying again.